When someone we care about is grieving, we often want to say something meaningful but find ourselves at a loss for words. At Baue Funeral Homes, we see every day how much a simple, heartfelt expression of sympathy can mean to a family. The truth is, expressing condolences isn’t about finding the perfect words, it’s about showing up with sincerity, kindness, and compassion.

What to Say When Someone Dies

One of the biggest misconceptions is that condolences need to be formal or poetic. They don’t. The most comforting words are often the simplest:

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“I’m thinking of you.”
“I’m here for you.”

These phrases may feel small, but to someone navigating grief, they are powerful reminders that they are not alone. If you knew the person who passed, sharing a short memory can be especially meaningful. It lets the family know their loved one’s life made an impact. If you didn’t know them well, that’s okay, focus on supporting the person who is grieving.

It’s also helpful to acknowledge the loss directly and, when appropriate, say the person’s name. Hearing their loved one remembered brings comfort and validation.

Writing a Meaningful Sympathy Message

Many people worry about what to write in a sympathy card. A simple structure can help:

• Express your sympathy
• Share a memory or kind word
• Offer support

Even a few heartfelt sentences can mean more than a long message. Sympathy cards often become keepsakes that families read again and again.

Online memorial pages are another meaningful way to share condolences, especially if you cannot attend services. These messages create a lasting collection of memories for the family. If you’re unsure where to begin, you can visit our obituaries page to see examples of thoughtful tributes.

What to Say at a Visitation or Funeral

Walking into a visitation or funeral and not knowing what to say is very common. The most important thing to remember is that your presence matters more than your words. A simple “I’m so sorry” paired with a gentle hug or handshake is enough.

You don’t need to have a long conversation. In fact, brief and sincere interactions are often best because families are meeting many people while carrying a lot emotionally. If you’re unsure what to expect when attending a service, please call 636-940-1000, and ask to speak to one of our funeral directors, they can help feel more prepared and comfortable.

Ways to Show Condolences Without Words

Condolences aren’t only expressed through words. Acts of kindness can be just as meaningful. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” consider offering something specific:

• Dropping off a meal
• Helping with childcare
• Taking care of yard work
• Running errands

Specific offers remove the burden from the grieving person of having to ask for help. These small acts often become some of the most remembered gestures of support.

You can also gently point someone toward helpful resources. Our grief support resources are available for families who need guidance in the weeks and months after a loss.

When to Reach Out After a Loss

Many people think condolences should only be expressed right after a death, but support is just as important later. Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. What often happens after a loss is that support is very strong in the beginning. Meals are dropped off, cards are sent, and phone calls come in regularly. But as time goes on and life moves forward for others, the person who is grieving is still carrying that loss every single day. The grief does not end after the services, in many ways, that is when the quiet really begins.

Do not be afraid that reaching out later will “remind” someone of their loss. They have not forgotten. They are already living with it. A simple text, a card, or a quick phone call that says you are thinking of them can be incredibly meaningful. It lets them know their loved one is still remembered and that they are not alone in their grief.

Sending a message on a birthday, anniversary, or holiday can mean more than you realize. These are often the hardest days. You do not have to overthink what you say, a simple “I’m thinking of you today” is enough, and it will mean something.

Sometimes the most powerful support comes weeks or months later, when the world has grown quieter and they need it the most.

What Not to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving

It’s natural to want to ease someone’s pain, but certain phrases can unintentionally feel dismissive. Try to avoid:

• Saying "I know how you feel"
• Comparing their loss to another loss
• Telling them to “stay strong”
• Offering unsolicited advice about grief
• Changing the subject because you feel uncomfortable

Grief isn’t something to fix, it’s something to walk beside with compassion.

You Don’t Need Perfect Words

One of the most powerful truths we witness is that people rarely remember exactly what was said, but they always remember who showed up. A visit, a card, a shared memory, a meal, or a message becomes part of the support system that helps carry someone through their grief.

Expressing condolences is simply a way of reminding someone that they are not walking through grief alone, and that kind of presence is one of the most meaningful gifts we can offer.